(Pamflet Version – Extended, Fun, With Emojis)
If you ever want to understand how business works in Romania, forget books, forget mentors, forget motivational quotes. No, no. You need only one thing: a safari vest and a stick, because, brother, Romania is a garden full of crocodiles. 🐊🌿
Not normal crocodiles, mind you — not the ones you see on National Geographic. No, no. These are bureaucratic crocodiles, shadow crocodiles, parallel-state crocodiles, the kind that smile at you from behind a desk and then bite your bank account clean off. 😇👉💸 CHOMP!
And our story begins, of course, with a classic Romanian tale:
A few young guys build a tech app 💻🔥, sell it in 2016, and boom! 💥
$550 MILLION.
Just like that.
Two Romanians, one Brit, and suddenly everyone’s doing the dance of celebration.
Except — surprise! — someone stayed in Romania with a big piece of that money. And Romania has a special sixth sense: the moment someone prospers, the crocodiles smell the profit from three counties away. 🐊👃
And just like that — SNAP! — the mother of the young Romanian entrepreneur, who ran a care home for the elderly, gets arrested for 30 days. 🚓😅
Why? Hygiene rules. Or cosmic alignment. Or Mercury in retrograde.
Who knows? In Romania you never get a clear answer.
It’s like dealing with a wizard who lost his spellbook.
The poor woman gets locked up, the boy freezes, and the crocodiles?
Oh, the crocodiles feast. 😈🐊💰
Because that’s what the “system” does. Not capitalism, not democracy — the Garden.
See, in other countries when you make money, the government says:
“Congratulations! Pay your taxes here please.”
In Romania the system says:
“Congratulations! 🥳 …Now hand over your leg. We’re hungry.” CHOMP! 🐊
And this is the secret rule nobody tells young entrepreneurs:
Before you grow anything in Romania, make sure you know WHOSE garden you’re planting in. 🌱👀
Because in this magical place:
- The laws appear and disappear like Hogwarts spells ⚡
- The inspectors show up exactly when the moon is full 🌕
- And the “shadow people” of the system — you know, the ones who don’t have names, don’t appear on TV, but somehow decide everything — well, they move silently through the bushes like jungle predators. 🐊🌿👤
Try to start a business?
A crocodile is already waiting.
Try to invest?
Another crocodile wants a bite.
Try to innovate?
Three crocodiles and a clipboard show up instantly.
And the funniest part?
They don’t even want the whole thing — no, no.
They just want a little piece. A nibble. A taste.
Just enough so you remember who the garden belongs to. 😏🐊
People wonder why half the talented youth run to America, the UK, or anywhere with less crocodile traffic.
Simple. In other countries you build a company.
In Romania you need a shield, armor, a lawyer, two accountants, and holy water. 💼🛡️📿
But here’s the punchline — the most Romanian part of all:
If you complain about the crocodiles, the crocodiles tell you:
“No, no, YOU are the problem.” 😂🐊
And that, my friends, is the magical, mystical, eternally chaotic Garden of Romanian Parallel Power:
A place where you can get rich…
…but only if the crocodiles don’t get hungry first. 🐊😉